Looking into a scene; Day 9 of Writing 101

You know the most important thing to do if you want to be a writer? Practice. And yet, you get home from a long day at work and you know the last thing you want to do is sit down and write. Me too. Until I signed up for Writing 101 – WordPress will sent a prompt every weekday for the month of April.

Day Nine: “A man and a woman walk through the park together, holding hands. They pass an old woman sitting on a bench. The old woman is knitting a small, red sweater. The man begins to cry. Write this scene.”

It wasn’t so much the coarse, red wool that the woman was methodically moving between her fingers and the long, wooden knitting needles that got to him, but her fingers themselves.

He and his wife were walking through the park, when the nostalgia over took him. The memory of his grandmother’s gnarled fingers wrapped around a wooden spoon with the smells of garlic, onion and tomato surround her. Her fingers pulling the covers up to his chin as she tucked him into bed as a child. Her fingers operating the knitting needles into the click-clicking sound as she created him a bright blue scarf.

Her fingers plucking at his sleeve as he sat on the edge of her hospital bed. The pair of them, sitting in silence watching the liquid-chemical concoction running down from the IV stand in its sterilized rubber tubing; the chemotherapy, which was supposed to cure her.

It’s didn’t work. She fought for eight months, but in the end the cancer won. And those finger would never again grasp his hand with pride as she looked at her grandson’s accomplishments.

The man stopped in front of the old woman on the bench. His wife placed her other hand over his and gently tugged him along.

He followed her across the park towards the memorial garden in the distance to say a final goodbye.

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The letter – a mini fiction; Day 5 of Writing 101

You know the most important thing to do if you want to be a writer? Practice. And yet, you get home from a long day at work and you know the last thing you want to do is sit down and write. Me too. Until I signed up for Writing 101 – WordPress will sent a prompt every weekday for the next month.

Day Five: “You stumble upon a random letter on the path. You read it. It affects you deeply, and you wish it could be returned to the person to which it’s addressed. Write a story about this encounter.”

That letter, I found while walking past the national bus terminal, was incredibly personal. I could only imagine the fear of the young woman reaching into her backpack or pocket to find it no longer there.

She was obviously upset when she wrote it; the paper was wrinkled where water, presumably tears, hit the page. The man, who was supposed to receive it, would never see the devastation he caused her. He wouldn’t hear of her decision to leave him, leave this tiny, mountainous town, and to keep the baby.

I wasn’t in the town for long, but I know for her to stay would have been a scandal and to go must have been unbearable.

Not being sure it the letter was meant to reach its destination, I slipped into my backpack, with its dusty Canadian flag. And realizing there was still time before my bus I darted across the street and into the Catholic Cathedral. There inside, past the signs reading “silencio” and welcoming me to the Iglesia de la Virgen María, I lit a candle. Not that I am particularly religious, but given my surroundings I said a prayer for Ana Sofía wishing her luck as she started a new life far away.

Then I also left that town to continue on an adventure of my own.

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50 questions to free your mind

I’m back from abroad and had some time on the plane to finally fill out the so-called 50-Questions that will free your mind (and make you think differently). It was good to think about and it knocks something else off the 101 in 1001 list.

1. How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you are?

25. Because I still want to party, but I am definitely an adult.

2. Which is worse, failing or never trying?

Failing, hands down. Which is why I often never try. It’s a Catch 22 really.

3. If life is so short, why do we do so many things we don’t like and like so many things we don’t do?

We feel obligated on some level to do what we believe society thinks we should do, and we fear for the future. I work hard now at a job I don’t love because I am worried about future income.

4. When it’s all said and done, will you have said more than you’ve done?

That depends on who you ask; people will say I have done a lot. I believe I haven’t done much and I think I will have said more than I have done.

5. What is the one thing you’d most like to change about the world?

I would make is so where you are born doesn’t determine how you live, but rather who you are and what you are truly capable of.

6. If happiness was the national currency, what kind of work would make you rich?

Looking after others, either health-wise or socially

7. Are you doing what you believe in, or are you settling for what you are doing?

For now, I am settling for what I am doing. But I’m doing that because I believe I can do what I believe in in the future.

8. If the average human life span was 40 years, how would you live your life differently?

I would start doing the things I really want to do today

9. To what degree have you actually controlled the course your life has taken?

I’m not sure how to answer this. I’ve done some things I’ve wanted, but done a lot of what I believe was expected of me.

10. Are you more worried about doing things right, or doing the right things?

Doing things right

11. You’re having lunch with three people you respect and admire.  They all start criticizing a close friend of yours, not knowing she is your friend.  The criticism is distasteful and unjustified.  What do you do?

Ask them why they feel that way. Let them know that the person is my friend. Try to set the opinion right and then ask them to talk to the person directly.

12. If you could offer a newborn child only one piece of advice, what would it be?

Be who you are because you are the only one you have to answer to.

13. Would you break the law to save a loved one?

Yes

14. Have you ever seen insanity where you later saw creativity?

Yes and usually inside myself

15. What’s something you know you do differently than most people?

I think about the future differently, I’m always pushing for something better

16. How come the things that make you happy don’t make everyone happy?

I’ve been told before that I am unique – and I don’t really fall under the typical social conventions. I guess

17. What one thing have you not done that you really want to do?  What’s holding you back?

I want to work for an international aid organization. I’m worried about my future (financially), what my family will do (be worried), and that I am not good enough to make it (so fear of failure).

18. Are you holding onto something you need to let go of?

Yes

19. If you had to move to a state or country besides the one you currently live in, where would you move and why?

I’d live pretty much anywhere.

20. Do you push the elevator button more than once?  Do you really believe it makes the elevator faster?

No, that I one area of my life where I exercise patience.

21. Would you rather be a worried genius or a joyful simpleton?

Worried genius – I don’t believe ignorance is blisss

22. Why are you, you?

I’ve had great people in my life, who have shown me how great people behave, I was bullied as a kid, so I treat others well.

23. Have you been the kind of friend you want as a friend?

Yes

24. Which is worse, when a good friend moves away, or losing touch with a good friend who lives right near you?

A good friend moves away is much harder. You care about them and you don’t get to see them. When you eventually lose touch, it’s a gradual process and they are always around to reconnect.

25. What are you most grateful for?

My family

26. Would you rather lose all of your old memories, or never be able to make new ones?

Never be able to make new ones

27. Is is possible to know the truth without challenging it first?

Yes

28. Has your greatest fear ever come true?

Yes.

29. Do you remember that time 5 years ago when you were extremely upset?  Does it really matter now?

I don’t really remember that time, and if I did, no it wouldn’t. I may have a short temper, but I don’t carry a grudge.

30. What is your happiest childhood memory?  What makes it so special?

I don’t really have memories of my childhood.

31. At what time in your recent past have you felt most passionate and alive?

When I am on the road, either travelling for work or for pleasure

32. If not now, then when?

What?

33. If you haven’t achieved it yet, what do you have to lose?

That’s a question I’ve not even been able to work through with my therapist.

34. Have you ever been with someone, said nothing, and walked away feeling like you just had the best conversation ever?

Yes

35. Why do religions that support love cause so many wars?

Because they believe that their love is better and how you portray that love is best.

36. Is it possible to know, without a doubt, what is good and what is evil?

No

37. If you just won a million dollars, would you quit your job?

My current job, YES. But I wouldn’t quit working.

38. Would you rather have less work to do, or more work you actually enjoy doing?

More work I actually enjoy doing.

39. Do you feel like you’ve lived this day a hundred times before?

Today? No, but most Monday to Friday’s yes. As Shakespeare said, “Tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow creeps along at this petty pace from day to day”

40. When was the last time you marched into the dark with only the soft glow of an idea you strongly believed in?

My university years. Although sometimes at work, I fight the good fight when required.

41. If you knew that everyone you know was going to die tomorrow, who would you visit today?

My mom and grandmother

42. Would you be willing to reduce your life expectancy by 10 years to become extremely attractive or famous?

No

43. What is the difference between being alive and truly living?

Truly living is when you finish everyday happy and fulfilled. You’ve done something that amazes, surprises or scares you.

44. When is it time to stop calculating risk and rewards, and just go ahead and do what you know is right?

When it makes a difference to others.

45. If we learn from our mistakes, why are we always so afraid to make a mistake?

We are worried what people will think, how it will affect our lives – we may learn, but what do we lose in the process.

46. What would you do differently if you knew nobody would judge you?

Date more actively

47. When was the last time you noticed the sound of your own breathing?

Sleeping last night

48. What do you love?  Have any of your recent actions openly expressed this love?

Travel. Yes, I just got back.

49. In 5 years from now, will you remember what you did yesterday?  What about the day before that?  Or the day before that?

I’d like to think so, as I have just been away, but from work. Not likely.

50. Decisions are being made right now.  The question is:  Are you making them for yourself, or are you letting others make them for you?

Nine times out of 10, I am making them for myself, but I often seek advice from others (which helps me to learn and grow).

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Loved and lost

In nine lines, one writer has summed up how I’ve felt not once, but twice before.

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Wake up in the morning …

My song for last summer was KE$HA with Your Love is my Drug.

First of all, any of you tell anyone that and I’ll have to kill you, but secondly it does make sense.

This summer was when I was with that heartbreaker from the United States, but that was long before the heartbreak. I was in love – like that gross, over the top, crazy in-love, love and for the first time, but he had facial hair. Facial hair was something that historically, I couldn’t stand.

And along comes KE$HA, riding an elephant (which I still don’t really understand) singing about the crazy damaging love of her facial hair wearing boyfriend.

It naturally became a fit … “I like your beard”

See for yourself. (Originally this was the real music video, but apparently I’m not allowed to post that …)

Oh and another KE$SHA moment, brought to you by the ever fantastic xkcd

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Next time, I’ll fly hungover

I learned something new.

The only thing worse than flying hungover, is flying during a really bad breakup.

After spending the better part of my last day with my boyfriend sobbing, he dropped me off at the airport, so I could fly home one last time.

I said goodbye to the man I love in a movie-esque scene at the airport, where he looked deeply into my eyes and told me he’d miss me.

I didn’t cry through security or immigration, which is a small miracle as those two steps make me want to cry at the best of times. I managed not to cry as I waited for my flight and through the additional hour because my pilot was delayed in an airport on the other side of the country.

Though all of this waiting, my flight response is rearing its ugly head, likely because there was no one to fight. My brain is screaming, ‘I have to get out of the United States, I have to get away,’ I wanted to run and scream … but running and screaming were not going to get me on the flight home.

Finally the flight boarded and we pushed back from the gate. I breathed a huge sigh of relief and the knot of tension at the base of my skull began to relax. We waited on the tarmac as the wings were de-iced, and then we waited and waited some more.

That urge to panic started growing again.

Then the flight pulled back up to the gate because something wasn’t quite right with the wings of the plane and the maintenance crew wants to check it. I was breathing still, but it was less calm and more hyperventilating.

To keep people calm the flight crew turned on some music and, because I have obviously done something horrible in a past life, it was country. And not even decent country, but that that ever so uplifting my dog ran away and my lover left me type of country.

By then I knew I’d lost the battle. I was cold, tired, stressed and more upset than I’d ever been in my life.

In an effort to prevent my seatmate on the full flight from thinking I’m totally nuts I tried to keep the crying  quiet — leaning against the window with my black hoodie, pulled as far over my face as it will go.

Just great, it occurred to me that I likely looked like the Unabomber and with my tear-stained face I wasn’t providing much comfort to the flight attendants, who gave me a vaguely concerned looks. I decided the best course of action, as running and screaming are still not an option if I want to stay off the no-fly list, was taking advantage of the chance to use my cellphone.

Who to call? Where I live it was too late as my three hour delay was taking me well into the early hours of the morning. My best friend lives in Africa and my cell company has blocked my calling her. I tried my mother, she’s out. I left a message.

In a last ditch effort I called my little brother, who aside from a five minute conversation earlier that weekend, I had not spoken to in nearly three months. He picked up. I got as far as his name, before I started sobbing into the phone.

My brother, bless his heart, took it all in stride and started babbling about the most inane things — the weather where he lives, a recent trip, plans for the weekend. Poor kid — I never call him and when I finally do, it’s a disaster.

He helped me pull together. I cleared my throat and said goodbye and promised to call when I am marginally saner.

The doors of the flight close again and we push back for the second time. I held my breath refusing to believe we were really good to go until we were taxiing down the runway. We do and by the time we take off, I am asleep realizing I will survive this too.

The good news, I’ve managed to stay off the no-fly list and the airline sent me extra flight miles for the inconvenience of being stuck in the airport.

I think Delta is just getting used to my crazy. I’ll have to tell you about my midnight drunken phone call to their help desk … but that’s another story.

Next time I’m going back to drinking heavily before flights.

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