Personality Pig

Draw a picture of a pig.

Not the words you expect to hear after being given a piece of paper and being told as a group you are going to have a personality test.

Did I mention I can’t draw?

Fortunately it seems that didn’t matter.

Here’s what my pig said about me.

It was looking at me, so I’m a realist.

According to the woman leading the course if you couldn’t see all four legs, it meant you were insecure – I never got around to drawing any of the legs. I don’t even want to know what that means.

A longer curly tail meant that I have a good sex life, which is only partially true.

The big ears meant I am a good listener, here I was thinking that just meant that I had proportion issues with drawing.

Other details about the big and where it was placed on the page said I like to play devil’s advocate, I don’t avoid conversation, I am direct, analytical and cautious … and could be in for a big change.

All and all the pig painted a pretty accurate description of me, which is not bad for a crayon and a white piece of paper.

I have to wonder what the change is, because I could use a little shake up in my life!

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It’s a fine line

There is a fine line between what is acceptable and what is harassment.

Seeing as historically I’ve always been the odd girl, the so-called ugly duckling, it’s a topic I never have thought much about as there was never much unwanted attention in my life.

Apparently I’ve grown into myself, as I have been receiving a lot more attention of late.

The other day I ran into that caveman I was flirting with a while back, remember him, “Hey baby, why don’t I roll by your place at 10, Friday night.”

We chatted. He was having a rough go of it, so sympathetically I hugged him. I meant it as a friendly hug, but it just kept going. I started to pull away; he pulled me closer and rubbed my back. I just sort of stood there, and after a long 30 seconds he let go and looked at me.

Then he reached down, adjusted his crotch, and said, “Now I have to go walk this off.”

Really?

I sort of laughed at the time, but then, while relating it to friends, later I felt a little gross. I mean I had been flirting with him, so I wasn’t entirely disinterested in him as a partner, and never discouraged his flirting, stares or pickup attempts. If things ever started heading somewhere uncomfortable, I would laugh and walk away.

I feel if there is a line, he crossed it with both feet. I’ve more or less avoided him since then, which I guess makes my response abundantly clear. The feminist in me wishes I said something at the time or maybe even sooner. However, the girl in me that is used to being overlooked didn’t mind the attention.

Even while I’ve given this a lot of thought, I still don’t know how I would handle it again, with him or someone else. It makes me wonder though, why I should have to figure this out, I mean, what happened to class?

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Where do I go from here?

I started this blog in the hopes that I might one day figure myself out … especially when it came to men. Initially it was set to have a 365 day theme — you know a year to myself, with no dating. I was going to learn me, then set out into the world strong, empowered and ready for anything and then I was going start dating.

Funny how things turn out. I’m glad I avoiding a year of living dangerously as a strict timeline, as here I am — almost a year and a half later — with lots of work pending. Sure I have a better understanding of myself, but when it comes to men, ha.

While reviewing some text messages the other day, I realized with the not great dating hands I’ve been delivered of late, it is little wonder I trust men at all. Not that anything terrible has happened, but the one man (who caused the start of this blog) made me think I was going to get married and be in love, before telling me that he just didn’t see me in his future. Another who I resisted liking at first, but managed to convince me that it was real, then just stopped, without warning. For a while I thought I had misunderstood, but after rereading some of his messages, I realized I problem wasn’t me (more on that disaster another time).

While there is a lot to be angry over, especially considering how much trouble I have with the concept of dating, I’m not particularly hurt or angry by any of these past events. In fact, I’m at the point where I realize that for all I have lost when giving my heart away, I have gained a few things when it was returned to me.

Those people that seemed to cause the most pain are also those that have left the biggest impact. I started running after the American left — running was something I never imagined I would like, even two years ago — this year I’m running 5K races and am planning on a 10K for later in the summer.

After being treated like a virtual stranger, by a man who more or less told me he wanted to be by my side all the time, I remembered my love for piano. He played beautifully and without his music in my life anymore, I realized I needed to create my own. Piano has become a big part of my life, a place to unwind from a long day and think hard about something besides work.

As I go back through those I have loved and lost, I realize a big part of who I am now is shaped by those I trusted and loved in the past, whether family, friends or lovers. It makes all the experiences, the heartbreak, the changes all worthwhile.

So, while I may not have had a 365-day turn around, I’ve learned a lot and I look forward to continuing to grow. Who knows what comes next, aside from 365 more

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