You know the most important thing to do if you want to be a writer/blogger/reporter/script writer/whatever? Practice. And yet, you get home from a long day at work and you know the last thing you want to do is sit down and write. That was me (clearly, my last post was in February), until today (I hope).
I signed up for Writing 101 – when wordpress will sent a prompt every weekday for the next month – and I will try to write as many of them as time/energy allows.
Day One: “To get started, let’s loosen up. Let’s unlock the mind. Today, take twenty minutes to free write. And don’t think about what you’ll write. Just write.”
I never thought I would be one to fall into a stereotypical gender role in a relationship, yet here I am asking if I can make dinner or start a load of laundry.
It’s weird how a relationship works, two people working together to make something. I’ve always been an equal partner kind of a girl, if you buy me dinner one night, I will buy you dinner the next. Yet I am in a wonderful relationship with someone that I cannot come close to matching financially. He makes nearly double what I do, and I don’t do that poorly for myself.
Is this rapidly becoming a #firstworldproblems post?
I get it, “oh, woe is me; my boyfriend makes too much money.” But there is another reality to it – I have always been fiercely independent and want to continue that way. We like to go out, he likes to go out, and wants me to be okay if he pays – and I have to be or else we have to stop going out and that would fundamentally change who he is – so that brings me back to, how do I contribute? What do I need to add to make the relationship work? I am too smart, and not pretty/skinny enough to be a trophy partner, although more often than not, I am told how lucky I am to be with him.
My inner feminist usually wants to hit that person, but I feel like decking a well-dressed elderly woman at a black-tie function would have people thinking things far worse than she is lucky to have him. I think the only reason that is the initial reaction is I have worked so hard to be me, to stand on my own two feet, to create a career for myself and work towards leaving a legacy. I don’t have a problem with having people think I am lucky to have him, as long as they think he is lucky to have me too.
I mean, I am really lucky to have him, but not just because he falls under the most eligible bachelor category (which I am realizing in most people’s minds just means with a good job, decent money and not entirely unfortunately looking). I am lucky, because he is kind and thoughtful; because we have in-depth conversations about how to change the world; because we can have fun together in any situations whether a fundraiser or a burger at McDonalds.
We are a good match.
But it catches up with me, what can I do? What can I give to him? I can cook, and he is usually okay with that. I’ve asked if I can start laundry or do house cleaning, but he flatly refuses. So I spend my time trying to figure out what I can do. And it is so strange for me to think of ways to help that fall into the traditional female tasks. I’d offer to mow the lawn, but we live in a condo and I’d offer to fix the car, but things might turn out worse than we started.
Instead I do what I can, I try to anticipate his needs, and show how much I care for him. As someone who has historically found a string of mediocre men masquerading as the real deal, this relationship makes for a refreshing change. It’s open, honest and very much adult – no crazy drama, or petty fights. And I would like to keep it going.
How do I become a more equal partner, I keep being myself (because that’s why he liked me to begin with), I keep looking out for him (because I love him) and ride out everything else that comes.
And so far, it promises to be an exciting ride.
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Rules for living 