Too tired to do anything but cry

Sometimes I hate being a girl – mainly because I don’t think this happens to guys.

I feel like I’m constantly under pressure to perform 100 per cent at my job, a place that I have been saying, “it’s really busy right now,” for a year and a half non-stop.

I feel this pressure to lose the rest of the weight I want to, so I over think everything I put in my mouth (which eventually leads me to snapping and eating a ¼ cup of peanut butter one little bite at a time with a spoon). I also work out all the time. I often have low blood sugar.

I feel tired, whether it’s burn out, low iron content or what I don’t know, but I have no get-up-and-go spark anymore.

I feel like I am supposed have better functioning relationships with men, or more specifically a man.

And sometimes I can deal with all those things, and sometimes, like tonight I just have to curl up into a ball and cry, because I simply cannot think of anything else to do. So, I’ll be back tomorrow and hopefully/likely with a sunnier outlook.

Read Full Post »

Meeting Mom and Dad: Rescuing the relationship

So after meeting the parents of my friend with benefits I start getting a little less laid back about the whole, I’ll-see-you-when-I-see-you arrangement.

I could maybe be considered clingy, but not in an ew, gross back off kind of a way, but more of a I-have-the-weekend-off-you-have-the-weekend-off-we-should-hang-out way. I thought he was on the same page.

That’s where the trouble always starts isn’t it.

Then he didn’t clearly communicate that he wasn’t driving the hour and a half to see me, until I was expecting him on my doorstep. I was right pissed off, which largely lead to him completely shutting down.

Except not really, we were talking and texting every day, but it was weird, awkward and stilted. So I called him on it and we talked. It turns out I have met the only person on the face of the planet more commitment phobic than I am. I mean I’m not looking for a long-term commitment, my plan is still to move far, far away from here and his plan is to stay exactly where he is.

I reminded him of that and simply requested that he actually tell me no, when we can’t hang out instead of humming and haa-ing until the last possible second – thus letting me get my hopes up before saying no.

Arg. I know I don’t make it easy, but I’m really not asking for a lot – some attention (okay maybe a lot of attention), but it’s all in the moment stuff.

Betcha if you asked him, here’s what he’d say about me.

Should I be concerned that so many aspects of my life are summed with scenes from the Muppets?

Read Full Post »

Hitting the Road: Packing for a work trip

My job often has me in the air to nearby cities for a couple of days at a time – I don’t have time to track down lost luggage, so this means carry on only.

One bag is easy, my documents for work, laptop, agenda, power cables and wallet.

The other is either half empty or practically bursting depending on the trip. In fact there are overnight trips were I probably wouldn’t even need a second bag, except I always bring my running shoes, and pants, and shirt etc.

Often my roller luggage is lighter that my briefcase.

Here’s a couple of tips I use to make sure I am compact and can be ready for anything from meeting colleges for work, friends for dinner and can run at least once a trip.

First, figure out what shoes you are wearing. Actually the very first thing is throwing in the running gear. Then figure out the shoes, in the summer a basic heel in black, brown or beige works best. In the winter it’s usually black heeled boots.

Then just match whatever you might need to the shoes.

Here’s a breakdown from my last trip.

• Running gear: t-shirt, long-sleeved shirt, jacket, shoes, socks, pants and sports bra
• Black heels (which I wear on the plane)
  • Outfit on the way down is a black and white polka dot dress
  • Outfit for day two, grey skirt, blue blouse, black sweater
  • Outfit for day three (and trip home) black skirt, red tank, and the same black sweater
• Jeans (which I can wear with either of the shirts)
• T-shirt for sleeping
• Makeup bag. By this point, I’m so used to flying, everything fits into the Ziploc.

It took some getting used to, but I think I’ve got it down to a science.

When it comes to packing, I’m a roller – everything fits into the bag and is virtually wrinkle free when I arrive at the hotel.

Read Full Post »

Weightloss and running: Week 3, observations from the road

I stepped on the scale again today and seriously, I think my scale is broken, only down another half-pound.

Week 3: July 28, 2013 – 198 pounds
Week 2: July 28, 2013 – 198.5 pounds
Week 1: July 14, 2013 – 199 pounds

Of course as I write that I reflect on some of the less-than-clean eating choices I made this week – especially the night we went out for Cajun food because I had visitors from out of town – possibly we didn’t need to share the bread pudding AND pecan pie. When it comes to eating healthy, and you want to splurge, it always seems fine at the time. It’s not like I think I should be denying myself everything, but maybe saying no to baked goods more often would be a start.

However, I am feeling a lot better now that I am back to regularly working out. I swam, ran or practiced yoga every day this week and on two days I did at least two of those. I also kicked my butt back to the gym to do some lifting AND booked another couple of sessions with a personal trainer, because where I let myself slack off, she won’t.

Also, I have an observation.

Running moms are impressive I have gained a new respect. Today I passed a woman pushing two toddlers in one of those urban-assault-running stroller things and she made it look like it was no big thing. When my friend was here I read the instructions on her stroller, you can’t lean on them –that woman was pushing at least 50 pounds on wheels while she ran. Kick ass.

Read Full Post »

Free tequila and other things to make a good day

Every good night begins with the bar handing out free shots of tequila. Seriously we walked in, sad down at a table and this waitress came by with a tray full of shots and said, “Would you like one? They’re free.”

“Um? Yes!”

Other good things from today include:

• Not eating a donut at this morning’s staff meeting
• Going for a six kilometer run after work
• Going for a one kilometer swim before work
• Slipping into an outfit I wore back in 2003 – and rocking it
• Receiving a compliment from a local style maven about said outfit
• Only working about 30 minutes later

Basically, it was a pretty good day. Let’s hope it continues into the weekend.

Read Full Post »

Getting ready for the day: I never know what to wear

Ever get up in the morning, workout, have a good breakfast, great shower, be feeling fantastic and running on time … then step in front of your closet to find all of that positive energy drain away?

If the answer is yes, we are likely meant to be friends.

There was a time when I thought fashion was only for girls that were 5-foot-10-inches tall and an extra small, so I never worried much about what I was wearing.

Then, slowly over time, I lost weight and developed my own sense of style. Then someone complimented me on an outfit one day and someone else said something nice about what I wore another day. Then there were a few days where I went without. Most of the time this doesn’t matter to me.

But some days, enter the crazy train where typically well balanced women, in this case me, lose all ability for rational thought.

For example, I was all ready for work early this morning. And by all ready, I mean hair looking great, feeling good about my workout, breakfast eaten and everything packed for work from my laptop to my lunch. Then I went to pick out what to wear.

Three dresses, one pair of pants, five skirts, six tops, two completely different bra-and-underwear sets, and 22 minutes later, I’m naked, surrounded by clothes and running late.

The good news is, I did figure something out and eventually made it to work, dressed – but it was not a way to start the day.

Am I alone in this?

Read Full Post »

Doing what you love: Finding the point between money and sanity

I wouldn’t say I love my job in fact there are days where I don’t even like it.

Most people would tell me to not complain because I work with an amazing group of people, make good money and the company clearly likes me as I keep being promoted.

Of course, as I read that, I realize this blog is going largely be a moment of #firstworldproblems.

But job is slowly killing me. I’ve been promoted (volun-told to move) further and further away from the things I like doing to a management job that has me working with others that do what I love. It’s tiring. There’s lots of micro managing from above. It’s busy – and I don’t mean a little bit busy sometimes, I mean crazy busy ALL THE TIME.

I’m exhausted.

And while today was a good day in the scheme of things, with great conversation and coaching of some of my fantastic staff, I’m not leaving it happy because I’m so tired.

At what point does money, a good job and secure future, outweigh doing something you love? I hear these stories of people who do what they love and follow their hearts, but does it really happen? Or should I just sit down, shut up and thank my luck stars for the support, job, and income I do have?

Read Full Post »

Running and Weightloss: Motivation

This makes me want to lace up my shoelaces and hit the trail.

So I’m going to – Happy Wednesday everyone!

I don’t know how to make the photo work … click it to see the movement.

 

Read Full Post »

Weightloss and running: Week 2, no instant results

Wow, where did a week go – yesterday I got to step on the scale again.

Week 1: July 14, 2013 – 199 pounds

Week 2: July 28, 2013 – 198.5 pounds

It’s a little depressing how little I lost, however I should celebrate every little decrease, especially when I think back on the week that was, with muffins, cookies and a piece of red velvet cake – traveling for work always knocks me off my healthy eating schedule.

On the other hand, I’m continuing to run often and my mileage is slowly increasing. One day last week I actually went on two runs. The first in the morning with one of my co-workers and easy 4 kms, then after work with a friend of a friend, we did a not-so-easy 5 K.

I’m still swimming at least twice a week.

I need to up the amount of time I spend lifting/strength training. Lifting makes me sound so strong and tough. The reality? I’m the girl struggling with lifting 10 pounds for a shoulder press, but it’s a start. I’ve also got to get my but in gear and get flexible. I think yoga is the way to go for that, but I’m intimidated. I have the least flexible legs – my downward dog looks more like a falling horse with my knees bend funny and heels lifted way off the ground.

Too bad I can’t bet as fit as those girls photos posted on tumblr, just by looking at them.

Read Full Post »

Adventures in wedding bliss: Learning to say no

I need to learn how to say no – and that has nothing to do with my relationship(s) with men.

I need to learn to say no to this question:

“Will you be my bridesmaid/maid of honour?”

The problem is you can’t say no to that because the bride clearly feels that you are a big enough part of her life that she wants to include you in her special day … or she thinks you are the right combination of organized and life of the party.

There is a saying, “three times a bridesmaid, never a bride.”

What about five times?

I didn’t mind the first couple – one was my best friend and the other my best friend from high school, but now I find myself in a wedding party for a girl I’ve not really spoken to in three years.

It’s not that I don’t mind being in her wedding – I’m happy she wants me around, we hung out for a short period of time, but we had fun and were close for the years we lived in the same city.

I’m just not looking forward to planning a stagette, shower, and activities for the girls on the day of the wedding. I didn’t really want to have to pay for a new dress (which I’ll totally – not – be able to wear again), shoes, transportation, wedding gifts, shower gifts, booze, lunches …

The best wedding I was in, I was told via a giant courier envelope that arrived from overseas. Inside was a bright red, floor length bridesmaid dress and a note.

If the saying three times a bridesmaid, never a bride, is based on the idea that a young woman who had been a bridesmaid three times was unable to catch the eye of unmarried males, then she never would, this wedding shouldn’t count. By my understanding, there will not be any single men in attendance.

But there will be booze.

And I guess I should be glad that I’m a bride attendant now and not in the olden days when the goal was to confuse evil spirits by dressing in identical clothing to the bride and the groom.  These spirits were known to give the couple bad luck.  Being dressed like the bride, the evil spirits would not know who was getting married.

Does this mean those bridesmaids would pick up extra bad luck?

I guess I shouldn’t complain because all I have to do is hold an extra bouquet, sign a piece of paper and help find something old, new, borrowed, blue.

Read Full Post »