Adventures in Online Dating: Closing the account

Did I mention that I quit online dating?

I cannot take the pressure that comes from meeting someone online – I feel like there are too many expectations and it creates all kinds of weird awkwardness. I need to be someone’s friend before I can date him. I can’t meet you for dinner a couple of times and guess what you are thinking.

It feels like so many of these sites are for one of two things.

1. Meeting the person you want to spend the rest of your life with and living happily ever after
2. Having sex

Seeing as I am not looking for either of these things exclusively, it doesn’t work for me, so I quit.

I’m terrible at telling people I am not interested, I would rather see people that I like and am comfortable with. I feel like if I am not making the time to see any of these men I have met online, I’m not that into them.

However, before I went, I forwarded a guy that I had been chatting with my email (well the secondary email I have set up to accompany the account). He sent me an email the other day. It was funny and charming. I might write him back.

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Adventures in Online Dating: I don’t think I’m doing this right

I have this rule about sex; if you are not fun, you’re not doing it right.

I feel like this rule should apply to online dating also, but I am really struggling with finding the fun.

You send a message to a guy, and wait, and he reads your profile and without really knowing you he decides whether or not he wants to reply. If he does, yay, send another message, maybe a picture of yourself and the waiting game starts again. I’m naturally impatient, waiting is not a strong personality trait of mine.

If things are going well, you make plans to meet – if it wasn’t already “fun” enough, you have the opportunity to see if that person matches their picture, or if they are anything like they sounded through email and text.

Then there is so much pressure. I mean on my profile it says that I’m just looking to meet people, to make friends, to hang out. If I let you buy dinner, coffee, the drinks, do I assume that you think it’s a date?

Historically my dating MO starts with my being friends with a man (maybe for weeks, maybe for months), sleeping with them and then deciding we are dating (and seriously this could take months to years).

The man behind the international incident, once tweeted that he was “firmly in the friend zone.” And I liked him so much; I just wasn’t really great at communicating it.

The online dating thing has me going out for people I’m only marginally interested in, under the pretext that I am going to find “the one.” Or I’m becoming someone elses’ “one.” I’m not sure which is worse.

My plan to serial date and blog about the misadventures is going off the rails – oh and to make life a little more confusing one of my friends (see above – not quite at the relationship stage) has thrown me for a loop.

More to come.

Oh, yeah, and before I forget I sent the German a heartfelt response to his email. Naturally I haven’t heard from him since.

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Adventures in Online Dating: Too Nice to Say Goodbye

So the guy I met online got around to texting me again.

We went for a walk, again I talked a lot as he doesn’t say much. I still don’t really care, which I’m taking as not a great sign.

The problem is now I am fighting my I-need-a-project side – the side that tries to find the potential in a man and help them grow to realize it. The, “I could make him a really great guy for some other girl side.”

I’m not that interested and I don’t really know what to do about it. I could keep hanging out with him, but at some point I wonder if I should tell him that he is so far in the friend zone that he can’t see his way out, unless it’s to simply walk away.

On the other hand, I’d love to have a long-term running, cycling buddy and wonder if were not dating if we could still be that.

This whole thing is complicated. I’m too nice to say, “I’m just not that interested.”

It’s funny how busy I’ve become recently, I’m struggling to find time, maybe he’ll take it as a hint.

 

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Adventures in Internet Dating: the Bitter Profile

I know I complain a lot about online dating (like a lot), but people never cease to amaze me.

Along with a freakishly large number of men that think,”Wassup” constitutes a good opening line, there are those who think they should explain exactly what they aren’t looking for in a profile.

You know, the:

“I’m not looking for drama, or women who can’t pay their own way.”

Or

“If you aren’t into being physically fit, then I’m not into you. Don’t lie, I’ll figure it out anyway.”

Or

“Women who still have issues surrounding their exes need not apply, if you are just looking for a free ride, look somewhere else … (and then proceeded to bash someone he’d dated).”

So, here’s the thing, clearly you’ve been on a bad date (or several) and been screwed over. That sucks and I feel for you, really I do.

But I’m not sure if a profile that includes the phrase, “just because we message doesn’t mean we are girlfriend/boyfriend, if I take a day to text chill out,” really makes me want to message you.

Maybe tuck the chip on your shoulder away and talk about things that would attract me to emailing you, you know focus on the positive (and by the way, I’m happy if you don’t think we are dating because I send a message, isn’t that the baseline?)

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Adventures in online dating: meeting the online, offline

I went on my first met-online date.

We went for Vietnamese food at one of the best restaurants for it in town. His recommendation.

I got there first, which is extremely rare, but that’s what nervousness will do for you. He arrived and looked remotely like his profile picture, a good sign.

I talked, a lot, which I tend to do when I am nervous, especially when the other person doesn’t seem to be talking much.

He seemed to find it charming.

He bought dinner, I asked to contribute, he said, “no.” Honestly, as much as I am a modern woman with a good feminist side, I’m a little traditional when it comes to dating, I like that he paid.

He took my number and said he would text.

I said “goodbye” and walked home.

I’m not really sure how I feel about the whole thing – I find it funny that he is an engineer; this makes it the third (maybe more) that I have dated.

There really wasn’t a moment of connection. Should there be? I mean when I met the German at that wedding, I had butterflies in my stomach, felt dizzy and could hardly breathe. He’s the one that sent flowers, to my office a continent away, just because. But … look where that got me – online dating. So does that love/lust at first sight need to exist?

If he texts, I’d see him again. If he doesn’t, it’s back to the inbox.

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Adventures in online dating: The first message

“Hey”

That is the most common start to emails I receive from people via the dating website.

In some cases, that’s it.

I really like those ones – you click on the message hoping (really against all previous knowledge) that someone has managed to string some of the thousands and thousands of words in the English language to make a use able sentence and all there is, it Hey.

The first time it happened, it came with a blurry, out-of-focus picture attached. I foolishly thought that maybe they thought they should just get my attention, so I would click on their profile and learn all about them.

So I did.

I swear the only thing the guy had written was, “you want to know? Ask me.”

Right. So  to confirm, I’m to ask you about you, when you can’t think of a single thing to say to me, and my entire knowledge of you is a random series of letters, followed by numbers that you call a username and the word, “Hey.”

Thanks, but you know, I might take a pass.

I realize that I might have high standards, but when I send a message, I’ve read someone’s profile, found them interesting and genuinely want to know more.

Of course, I’ve consistently messaged unemployed losers, still living at home, who’s profiles might not be “exactly accurate.” I’ve also messaged people, who without know who I am ripped apart a good friend of mine, that was classy.

I do have a date though.

Not only did he send me some advice on where/who I could go running with (I’m still fairly new to this town), he answered some running related questions for me, which were largely spelled correctly and had good grammar.

I’m taking all of this as a positive sign.

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I’m looking for someone beautiful: a strange introduction to online dating

I don’t know if I have mentioned this, but I’ve entered the world of online dating.

It’s been only a few days and already I have a question, why would you write, “I’m looking for a good looking (or attractive or pretty or beautiful) lady/girl/woman.”

Really? Oh it’s really good you clarified, because I thought you were out looking for the ugliest person out there. I think this is an issue for three reasons

1. The first is a complete lack of interest of getting to know someone
2. You force people to decide whether they think they are good looking. Do I think am I pretty enough to message this kind-of skinny, gapped toothed dude?
3. Makes women feel terrible when you don’t message them back because they will have assumed it has nothing to do with what they’ve said and everything to do with how they look — and most women I know already have enough body image issues.

This is good, I’ve already narrowed down the pool of people I’m willing to message or accept messages from.

I expect the online-dating world of Plenty of Fish to be an endless source of things to write about. Here fishy, fishy, fishy.

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