The ongoing battle with appearance

I’ve gained weight (again).

In some ways, I’d like to blame having a boyfriend – staying in bed with him all lazy in the morning, beats dragging myself up for a run.

In some ways, I’d like to blame work – I’m not happy and the stress drives me to eat, a lot.

But I know there is only one thing to hold accountable: me.

It’s frustrating knowing that the decisions I make, are causing the weight gain – did I really need to eat that appetizer before dinner. And I know I should make those decisions, but I do, over and over again.

So for (what seems like the) thousandth time I am recommitting myself to health eating, and working out regularly – because honestly that is all there is left. This week has been good for working out – every day since Monday. I’ve made health eating choices for two days now.

And I’m going to kick off the 30 day ab challenge on July 1.

This time it will stick (I have to believe that).

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Offering up less than helpful information, Thanks a lot Facebook

Facebook just oh-so-helpfully told me that a former friend of mine was launching a book. I was halfway through typing a note of congratulations, when it occurred to me that I can’t. She is a former friend for a reason – why I had failed to remove her from Facebook I have no idea.

That’s the unfortunate part sometimes, I would wish congratulations to a perfect stranger for an accomplishment like that, but I can’t talk to someone who I used to hang out with all the time.

And you don’t think about the fact that they might still be on Facebook until you then have to deal with a dilemma and feel badly.

This isn’t the first time I’ve been through this was Facebook. Once I was helpfully told by my Facebook feed that the international incident, was in a relationship and did I want to congratulate him.

No.

Unfriend.

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Eating clean for a week

One of the to do’s on my 101 in 1001 list, is to eat clean for a week.

According to my googling that means high vegetables, ultra lean protein, low carb and no booze (or caffeine). Well I finally did it and so did boyfriend (in what he now says was an unfortunate show of solidarity).

We did it in the last week of May (or what I am now referring to as the longest week of my life). Hindsight being 20/20, I probably could have guessed I wouldn’t feel amazing two days after turning my entire diet upside down. And with that tiny bit of knowledge I probably wouldn’t have picked the biggest week of meetings that I have in a year at work – that culminates in a massive two-day workshop that goes into the weekend.

However I had best case scenario in mind and started with high hopes as I roasted chicken, steamed kale, cooked quinoa and prepped overnight oats with yogurt and chia. By day five I was a little tired, by day 7, I was borderline cranky.

Day 8 (or the last day of the workshop), I snapped and drank half a bottle of red wine before going out for steak, fried mushrooms and garlic mashed potatoes.

Now before you all think what a waste, it was actually really good. I do have an appreciate for kale now, and I’m looking to less carb and more veggies in my diet – keeping in mind less carb doesn’t mean low or no carb, I’m part Italian, that just doesn’t work. The carbs are whole grains and nutrient rich.

It was a good kick off to healthier, cleaner eating overall.

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In the wrong locker room, or why paying attention is important

I was at a pool the other day – one I had never been to.

I got paid my entrance fee and headed off in the direction of the change room. After walking in, I saw a man putting some clothes into a locker.

That’s strange, I thought, he’s in the wrong change room. I walked a little further in.

That’s what I saw the very large, very old, very naked man walking out of the shower.

Suddenly I realized that the first man hadn’t made the wrong turn. I had.

I made an abrupt about face and got out of there.

After getting through the women’s change room, I headed out to the pool deck where there were a number of good looking men, my own age. Why is it that when you make a mistake like the wrong change room, you never run into the people you’d like to see.

And yes, I’ve recovered from the embarrassment. I’ll tell you what though; I’ve definitely double check every bathroom or change room door I’ve walked through since.

 

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Me either

There is a great blog that was posted to Huffington Post – I Don’t Want Children.

“That will change,” I’ve heard throughout the years. A week ago, my mother’s friend uttered those very words when somehow, we landed on the topic and I told her I don’t want children.

“You really don’t want children? You’re going to be lonely!” My little sister, who’s not so little anymore, warned me just days prior.

“I don’t want children,” is a tough statement to make in a world where that’s what people do, the get married (or maybe they don’t) and they have a baby.

It’s more acceptable now than 50 years ago to be single with a baby, but it still seems that’s it’s not really socially okay to not want a baby.

I’m looking forward to that day.

Until then, I recommend the read. And it’s unlikely I’ll change my mind.

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A good deed – well at least an attempt

No good deed goes unpunished.

I’ve often thought about this and it strikes me as funny how true it can be sometimes. I wanted to do a random act of kindness for a friend, so when I knew she was super stressed over some work, I offered to help her out by driving her to some locations (as she doesn’t have a car).

It made a huge difference in our day, but we encountered one issue after another and it ended with us both giggling like crazy girls in the lobby of a business we found to escape the cold.

I guess in the end everything worked out, but, I think next time my act of kindness will be to send flowers.

 

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Love: what makes it different this time

It was a perfect Sunday afternoon, lunch was finished, a great yoga practice in the morning and we were curled up on the bed with tea, looking out the windows at the city.

It sounds like the beginning of a novel that I would love to read, but it’s actually how I spent my Sunday. We talked about everything, him and I, past relationships, plans for the future, just stuff and stories. When he asked, “why am I different?”

I knew what he meant, I knew he was curious about why me, with a history of bailing on any guy who even looked like he might love me, would sit on the bed and talk about a future with him.

It’s not something I can really articulate, it’s a level of comfort that is there even since we first met, it’s an absolute trust in him, it’s a similar drive and approach to life, it’s love. It’s all of those things and more.

He understood and we watched the sky turn pink as the sun set.

It really was a perfect Sunday afternoon.

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Productivity – diagrammed

Productivity is a funny thing, I feel like I never have enough time to productive or is it because I am not productive I don’t have enough time.

Arianna Huffington recently told a group of women at a graduation ceremony to sleep their way to the top. She didn’t mean have sex, but rather make sure they were well rested. Our creativity, ingenuity, confidence, leadership, and decision-making can all be enhanced simply by getting enough sleep.

It means we are not better because we put in more hours or work longer, but because we work smarter and better.

Interesting.

Below is one image of how to make productivity easier.

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Friend goes bad, when things get ugly

Despite the fact that my friend said she was happy I was dating her ex-husband (the one she left for a women, the one she asked me to hang out with), I learned she really, really is not.

Unfortunately I learned the hard way, when she texted one morning to let me know that she had been driving past his house and sees my car there.
She actually was angry because, she knew “you are sleeping with him” and that I should have told her. Then she followed it up by saying sex she had with him was awful, so he deserved good sex with me (I’m roughly paraphrasing).

First, I felt afraid. It is very weird to know that someone has been watching your movements for months and you never realized.

Second, we are not close enough friends that she has ANY idea about the quality of my sex life, it’s just not a topic we talk about. And I don’t want to think about her sex life with him EVER.

Third, if you are really okay with something. Freaking out over text message is not how I would convey that.

In the end, I’m sorry our friendship ended as it did – despite my response, which a number of my friends called far to kind, I’ve not heard back from her. I have lost a friend, but gained something even better. So I guess I have a positive gain, but it’s still an icky way to go.

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Changing relationship perspective

I’m an opinionated person, and I’m pretty set in my ways, but this man I am dating, my boyfriend, has really made me change my tune on relationships.

When someone treats you so well that you cannot imagine how you existed before, it makes one rethink their position on not getting too attached.

Historically I was a, there isn’t a person out there for everyone, love them and leave them, don’t get too close, kind of a girl. But this man makes me realize that being treated well is really the way to go. Now when friends talk about how they are being treated poorly by some guy or another, I want them to leave because I want them to have what I have.

For example. He is out of town for work again this week/weekend. He brought me a bouquet of my favouite flowers, because he wanted me to have something pretty/alive to brighten my mood while he is away.

I am constantly at a lack of how to repay his kindness to me.

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